On Friday, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced that he would be appointing a special counsel in the federal investigation of Hunter Biden. The special counsel Garland tapped for the job is David Weiss, the U.S. attorney already heading the investigation. Weiss reportedly asked for special counsel status after an attempted plea bargain in which Biden would plead to tax evasion and gun charges fell apart. That prompted questions as to the actual strength of Weiss’ case.

Republicans have been demanding the appointment of a special counsel for months, and so of course are meeting the news with incandescent outrage that it … happened.

Wait, what?

An Axios report summarizes a few of the responses, but gets no further than we do in explaining why Republicans are now outraged that they got the special counsel appointment they were previously demanding. What we have here appears to be a severe case of These People Cannot Physically Ever Shut Their Pie Holes.


Is there anything Sen. Lindsey Graham can’t craft a new temper tantrum from?

Weiss was, it should be noted, appointed by Donald Trump. So the Hunter Biden “investigation” now literally has a Trump appointee as special counsel, which was the effing demand from Rep. Jim Jordan and the rest of these circus clowns all along. And according to them, they’re now beside themselves over getting the thing they insisted it would be corrupt not to give them.

The objections seem to be based on Weiss having a sketchy case to begin with, indicting Hunter Biden on tax evasion but not for any of the things House Republicans have accused him of without providing any actual damn evidence. Since Weiss hasn’t been able to imprison Hunter on imaginary evidence, Jordan and Comer, along with the rest of the House Conspiracy Teletubbies, now think he’s in league with the Biden family, and Merrick Garland is in league with the Biden family for appointing Weiss, and everyone is very very mad and coming up with a whole bunch of conspiracy theories as to why a special counsel being appointed is now supposedly a conspiracy against House Republicans.


What. The Fuck. Are you talking about?

Appointing a special counsel to investigate Hunter Biden is a distraction from our demands that a special counsel be appointed to investigate Hunter Biden! Trickery is afoot! Deep State!

Again, the central problem Republicans are facing is that the contents of Comer’s head do not count as court-admissible evidence, and Comer and the others keep getting angrier and angrier the larger the distance grows between the extravagant conspiracies inside their own heads and Hunter Biden’s far less ambitious real-world fuckups.

That isn’t something the Justice Department can resolve, no matter who’s leading it. A team of good psychiatrists might be able to make more headway.


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